I've lost a lot of people in my life - grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends. The loss which had the biggest impact on me was the loss of my friend, Gillian. She died of a brain aneurysm when we were 16 years old. One is not prepared to lose a friend when they're so young. It has been almost 40 years and I don't know that a day goes by where I don't think of her.
Right now I'm listening to the song "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" by Elton John. It was our favourite song at the time of her death and for me, it has become her theme song.
I've been a part of several faiths, but found none of them to be what I needed. I've spent many years begging and pleading with lost loved ones to let me know that they're okay and that they still exist, somewhere. I've read where psychics said to ask for a penny, or maybe a feather. They said to spread flour and let the spirits scatter it. None of those requests were answered, so I figured that the psychics were phoney or didn't know what they were talking about.
So I prayed. I prayed to God, asking Him to let me know that He was there and was met with only silence from Heaven.
I even gave Erik permission to stink up my office. I figured he'd think that was pretty funny. Or just do anything to get my attention. But I've never felt any communication from him either.
It's at the point where after so many years of unsuccessful requests, I'm pretty much an atheist. A reluctant one. But I'm still a hopeful atheist. I hope that I'm wrong. Elisa has said that we still have a relationship with our loved ones who have crossed over to the light, but I have not found this to be the case at all. For me, they're simply gone.
I never seem to give up though and now find myself here. At this point, I don't know what else to do.
Gillian Kirtley lived in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada and she died in December of 1975 when she was 16 years old. Her funeral was on Christmas Eve.
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