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First Christmas Without My Son

posted Dec 26, 2014 15:16:44 by louietune
For the first time in almost 60 years I had no reason to get up. We didn't have a tree, lights or even a dinner. Will the holidays ever be the same again Erik? Destin was really into fireworks before he died... I have donated the bigger ones to the local youth center... but we plan to set the rest off on New Years Eve. His brother Matt and I. I was SO hoping he would visit me on Christmas. I keep calling "Destin Walch" are you out there... and nothing now. I need to know if the times I did think he was coming through were real. I can't afford a Psychic medium like your mother could, or you can bet I would have had many sessions by now. All my family here is from my husband's side now... I do have another son in Muskegon Michigan, who now lives with a brain injury after his coma... He just acts like Destin never left.
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5 replies
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louietune said Dec 26, 2014 15:17:27

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kellywilliamsmom said Jan 13, 2015 15:02:28
I am so sorry for the loss of your son. This was the second Christmas we had to live through without our youngest son, Sam, who died from an accidental shooting March 2, 2013. The holidays, his birthday, his spirit day, are the hardest days. Every single day is the hardest day. There are simply no words to describe it. I am an artist, I decorate homes for the holidays amoung other things. I can tell you it was EXCRUCIATING doing this for these past two Christmas seasons...seeing the happiness, the laughter, hearing trivial conversations in line at stores on my way to homes...there were times I simply walked out of stores leaving everything behind. I cried to and from the homes I was to decorate...but once I got there and into the “zone” I felt a sensen of stillness and knew he was there with me, helping me get through it....I would beg him to come with me while I was driving alone. I believe that through helping others, it helps me.

All I know is that he is here, he knows what we are doing, as your son must also. This year, for us, I put up a small fresh tree, half the size of our usual and placed blown glass hearts all over it along with silver mercury glass hearts. I considered it a representation of the love, that love we have for our sons cannot be stopped by death. As I move through this, I have to keep moving...if even to simply shower or walk outside, keep moving. When I’ve stopped moving through this, the suffering has been all consuming and I’ve slipped underwater. Like you, if I could afford to see a Medium every month to talk with my Sam I would! Instead I try to honor who he was in his life. I talk to him as if he is right here, every day. I don’t care if people think I am nuts. My son, Sam, was an avid outdoorsman. I cleared an acre of our property and planted over 150 young trees in his memory, each named for a person who has passed or planted with us...we call it Sam’s Forest. I feel him there, spend most of my time there. I hope you can find a way to channel your suffering into something that he would love. I wish you blessings and comfort.
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Milann Aldag said Jan 14, 2015 15:47:34
I agree with Kelly, finding something to channel your grief helps a lot. I learned this from Elisa when I found her blog. Just sitting and letting the suffering take over is no way to honor our boys. I too started a blog and I can't tell you how healing it has been. The pain will always be with me I think but how I handle it is what is important. Missing you tons today Artie!!

Lifewithoutarthur.com
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AtJenna_ said Jan 16, 2015 19:38:37
I just want to offer my condolences to anyone on here that has lost a child I cannot imagine the pain you feel but I want you to know that people do care. Sending you thoughts of healing and love.

Jenna
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LeFerna said Jan 17, 2015 15:33:04
Thank you SO much everyone. I am looking forward to meeting Erik on my first group call soon. Hopefully he will find Destin... you know they would be the same age today.

L
My son Destin died of Septic shock after a near successful fight with liver failure due to Acetaminophen poisoning with college drinking (You know, Yeager Bombs, Fireball, etc.). An 8 year college student Finally at Life University Chiropractic College. Like Erik, he is very intelligent and channeling will be fun for him with Erik's help.
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